after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize