You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
