'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
