She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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