i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
