I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
