This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
