420 ftw
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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