Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
