I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
