For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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