They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My life is pants optional.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
