he thought i was a dude.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
