In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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