I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
