my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
