Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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