Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
