I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Text me some of your sweat
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