My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina is officially offended.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
