my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
