If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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