PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
