i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
