I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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