He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why is your signature on my underwear?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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