Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
