Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
