Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
