we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
