It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
