He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
