Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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