I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
