How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
