He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
