so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
