Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
