Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
