I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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