I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
