If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
