if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
