Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize