I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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