I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
