Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
