Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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