Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
