dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
