Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
