shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
