Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
