I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
