Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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