The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
