Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
