at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
