The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
