I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
