Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
