Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
