I want to make a zoo with you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
