so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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