...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
