I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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