I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
