Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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