This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
