the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
