I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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