hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize