dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
