I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
