the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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