Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
