There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I want is dick and wine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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