God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
