I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
