Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
