I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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