So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
